How to Get Unstuck: From Healthcare Burnout to Fresh St(ART)
Many of us have had that moment of realization, where deep down, you know something has to end. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but you know you have to figure this thing out, because it’s killing you. I know I felt that way working long hours as an optometrist. It was meaningful, I was helping people. But I was hurting.
I pushed down those feelings for a very long time. I couldn’t admit it at first, because walking away from a graduate degree, professional license, and basically, my adult identity, felt just impossible. Still, the hard part was not the deep knowing of what had to happen. The hard part was digging through layers and layers and LAYERS of stuff that I had allowed other people (and my own assumptions) to pile on top of the truth of who I am.
Underneath that pile was the me who loves making things, thinking deeply, coloring outside the lines to create something new, different. I brought as much of that as I could to my jobs in hospitals and offices, but it felt like a constant struggle - it felt like I was making myself less, smaller, paler in comparison to who I wanted to be.
You are strong enough to make a change.
You don’t have to rationalize it to others.
Trust yourself.
It took me 20 years to figure out that I am not built to be a doctor. I am good at it. But it was putting out my spark for life. I felt like I could see my whole future and I didn’t like it. I know that sounds dramatic, but the feeling was real, and so hopeless. How can you have everything in front of you, so many privileges and gifts, and feel like it doesn’t matter? I was grieving for the lost creative life I had always wanted. It finally made sense. So I started quitting.
If you need a change, allow it to take time to unfold. It helps just to know where you’re headed. You may need your salary, but look for other ways where you can be yourself, within or outside of work. For me, even when I decided for sure, it took 5 years to leave my profession. This timing was right for me, phasing out responsibilities and adding new artistic endeavors as I built back my identity and new routines.
The amazing thing is, once I started telling my story instead of squashing it down, I found out I am not alone! I met so many people who had left health care to pursue their creative endeavors and save their sanity. Also, once I started saying it out loud, I felt free. Peaceful. I was a better friend, a better spouse, a better mom. I was myself. See, my job had consumed my brain to the point of having very little left once I got home. That is really not the fault of my particular job, it’s just the mismatch between the requirements of the role compared to my own skills, my own personality, and what I am able to give.
I am telling this story to you now for a reason. I don’t want you to live your life from a place of being “almost” okay. I want to rescue you from thinking if I can just take this course, get faster at documenting my notes, create a smoother standard operating procedure, I’ll stop falling behind on charts, I’ll be amazing and at ease with my job. Or if other people would just follow the rules, schedule me correctly, work patients up fast enough, I could get out of work in time to cook for my family.
I don’t want you to live in limbo, waiting for a finish line that keeps getting pushed back. Thinking about what it will be like when you retire in 15 years and can do things your way. I want you to find a way to live, as yourself, right now. I’d like to share how I did it.
The 4 most important things I did to quit my job and start my dream life as an artist:
Talk to someone unconnected to your situation: You may think life coaching sounds woo-woo, but it’s basically like a therapist for a specific goal or problem in your life. I found a coach by accident, at my yoga studio, and decided to try it out. It was a great sounding board to hear my own thoughts and to help organize them into action. This person has no stake in whether or not you quit your job to start something new, like a spouse or parent might. They are literally paid to talk all about you and your stress with this situation, and help you convert that stress into action.
Take trial actions: Start with small trial actions towards your dream life. Reduce your work schedule, opt out of an extra work commitment, discuss your boundaries around leaving at the end of your day to your boss. Add an art class or tennis lessons or a game night with your family. Basically, whatever is missing, whatever is causing you to feel less whole, add just a little bit of that back. This lets you try out solutions without the risk of walking off the job without a plan.
Read/listen to personal growth books & podcasts: Create an environment that lets you think in new ways and explore new ideas. Surround yourself with people who have gone before you on this journey. The world is full of brave and amazing people, and to see ourselves that way, we have to start thinking that way. Some of my favorite include books such as Essentialism by Greg McKeown, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, The One Thing by Gary Keller & Jay Papasan, and Atomic Habits by James Clear. The number one podcast that pulled me through (still does) is Creative Peptalk, by Andy J. Pizza.
Free writing: I have a distinct memory of sitting in a dingy old YMCA hallway while my daughter had a 4-hour theatre rehearsal. I sat on that bench, resolved to decide then and there if I should quit my job. I wrote for all four hours, straight. I hashed out what I like, what I didn’t like, What I was good at, what I was bad at. What subjects I enjoyed in school, what my childhood dreams were. What our finances would look like without my salary. I didn’t think, I just wrote and wrote and wrote. And I eventually could not avoid the truth, surfacing over and over again. Back then, I left one job for a less demanding position. But that moment was the start of this whole second chapter of my life, as I trusted myself instead of waiting for permission.
Listen to yourself.
Why should you and your health matter less than the opinions of other people?
I don’t know exactly where or why you are stuck. But I do know that you can get unstuck. I also know that it won’t happen until the pain you are feeling from staying stuck grows larger than the pain you would experience by moving on. Both things are difficult, and require strength. I would just rather my effort, my pain go into something that feels right and worthwhile to me, my health, and my family. I have no idea if anyone who actually needs this will read it, because I’ve only just started this blog and I’m still honing in on what it will be. I just know I had to say this, because it was on my heart and past me really could’ve used this validation.
This life is so beautiful, even in struggle, there are so many possibilities. There are miracles on the way that we can’t even imagine. Start out on your next adventure by uncovering just a little more of that beauty.
With Enthusiasm for Life & Art,
Heidi
References & Resources:
A Few of My Favorite Getting Unstuck Books:
Essentialism by Greg McKeown
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
The One Thing by Gary Keller & Jay Papasan
Atomic Habits by James Clear
The number one podcast that pulled me through (still does):
Creative Peptalk, by Andy J. Pizza.